I am so full of joy, I am still learning how to deal with my great emotions. Woah, after a year and a half, I am going to see my Boys.
I don't have much to say because many would never understand how a mother in her right senses can leave her children behind in the same 'shit' she was running away from. Suffice it to say l wasn't in my 'right senses' then.
My Boys and l have all been through so much.The poor internet connections, high phone costs and much more, got us to often get in touch only once a week or less. Talk of motherhood across the ocean?
That aside, here is a video l did for a presentation in my school on global cultures. Have fun and know that for the next three weeks, I will crisscross as much of my beautiful motherland as possible. Of course, there is no doubt that my "3 mousquetaires" will be with me all through my stay home.
Hmm, l am taking them to at least one of the radio shows l am invited to, and maybe one of my TV Interviews too. The line up is pretty exciting for actually only two weeks with them, giving that 5 good days will be ... at some summit in Kigali.
http://youtu.be/CriUQQE731w
So, those weeks are all I have for now. However, someday, it shall surely be different. Anyway, as it currently stands, I am going HOME to see my BOYS and l even have some bloggingawards to show them too!
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, thank you in advance for the safe journey wishes and all. My Boys and I will sure do a post from home just for you!
Dear all, by Friday, you will know why l am excited not only to announce countdown deals for my book, but what lies planned for my vacation.
The deals are first of all two fold and each will run for a week. They are only for the kindle version although in due time, l will do another giveaway on goodreads for the paperback.
The first is on Amazon.com and it will run from June 25th to July 1st. The price will start of at 1.99$ for 48 hours, then it will rise to 2.99$ for the next 48 hours before running at 3.99$ until the deal ends.
On Amazon.co.uk, the countdown deal starts on June 27th to end on July 3rd. The race cheers up at 0.99£, then speeds up after 48 hours to 1.99£ for 2 more days, and then cools down back to 3.57£.
The reviews say a lot although due to the nature of my story and my 'genes' maybe, several people who have read it are 'scared' of leaving a review on the amazon. l got two other reviews on goodreads but a few said some 'nasty' like l still have to 'surrender to my saviour and it must be sort of generational curse blaabla'.
Well, that's life and l know l was 'shameless' in writing all that thrilling stuff without being scared of "what people would say"? Does it really matter anyway? Who really cares? How do l know? So life goes on!
In the mean time, lets see how it goes, this week may hopefully be my last week of faithful blogging up till August - stay tuned to find out why come Friday. Happy reading!
It is gratitude in another form, go get inspired and motivated, cause l don't think l can ever say thank you enough.
Today started out fairly normal. Hey, I was even all smiles and dressed to please myself, the weather and in souvenir of Cameroon my motherland. I had a Rhumatologist appointment and since l found out the doctor was Cameroonian, I was looking forward to some nostalgia. l had actually chosen him based on that and well, we did talk of our motherland.
Shortly before going to my “waterloo”
But something had been happening in me since last night and I couldn’t figure out what. I just wasn’t my normal self at some dinner we attended and l was sent off to bed.
The moment I walked into the hospital, I knew
When I walked into that hospital, I knew why. Although it’s been six good years since l lost her, l still don’t know if I mourn well or for how long l will still have to mourn. I passed a pediatric unit and all those toys, I saw the neonatal unit and saw those incubators in which she spent that one and only night, l passed the gyneco and obstetric ward, and all this was tormenting.
Why does it hurt so much?
It’s not like I think about Ange Claire every other day, no it’s much better now. After all, she just survived a day so maybe I am better off than those parents who bury Children with some accomplishments and futures ahead? Or maybe it is actually that I didn’t mourn right and for a ‘right’ period of time?
When my girl was born, she looked just like me and this picture of mine reminds me so much of the hair she had.
l loved her so much although l didn’t even get to suckle her even once. All l did was cradle her a minute and give her kiss before she was taken from me and put into that incubator. She had developed a respiratory deficiency barely 15 minutes just after she was born. I am thankful her elder brother had survived a similar problem too. He had battled in the incubator for one whole week shortly after his birth.
Did I mourn right and right?
I remember the doctor telling her father and l that night that she needed a special drug, which unfortunately wasn’t available in their pharmacy. It was maybe 9.30 pm and there was only one pharmacy in town where she was sure it could be found. Her father asked her if he could go get it in the morning, and she said yes. I was so tired after having laboured for more than a day and having to go through that, l just couldn’t pick another argument with him to go then.
l couldn’t sleep straight. l dozed off at midnight, had a nightmare and woke up at 4am. l told him we should go and check on her. Sure we got there just as the doctor was pronouncing her DEAD. l just went to my angel and kissed her then l went back to the room and hid under the bed. l quickly entered the denial gear or whatever that could be called.
l only managed to call my mother. Who came in and left soon thereafter with her father and co to bury her at her paternal grandparents’. She later took me to her home where l spent a week mourning in whatever way.
Friends l had called last night to announce the birth of my princess, were told a different story when they called to find out how we slept. Some stopped by and by then l had already switched to ‘am ok’ gear. l didn’t want to discuss the ‘matter’.
The only person l really wanted to talk and or cry over it with, was my husband. But he didn’t want to. Until I left his house, never did we discuss that ‘matter’. I hallucinated for six good months, lost sleep and any sexual appetite, l was so scared he may die, l did’t want him to travel, touch me or even be merry around me.
Then I thought I had mourned enough
l however gradually pulled myself together and was always ‘seemingly so strong’ so much that my sister who flew in to visit soon thereafter, remarked later on that she thought l never ‘cared’. She was surprised that l talked about that incident in my 35th birthday message to all.
Yet, when a cousin of mine lost his baby when his wife was 5 months pregnant, l was erratic. l stayed up all night and cried and spoke to whoever until dawn. You see, I have also lost another baby to a miscarriage too.
Finding strength in what remains
So after I left that hospital today, ( I haven’t been to a hospital since she died, clinics yes but hospital no), I couldn’t move. I knew l had to steady myself. My blood pressure even showed an increase although when the doctor asked l just said it was stress.
And then, my Darling Darling who had been out of town, just got back. He’d tried to call when I was in there and only left a message. He tried again and told me to wait for him right there. You see, he knows what it is to lose a child. He’d lost one too.
We are best friends and l am so grateful for him. He has even agreed to go with me for my results and the doctor’s control.
l know we shall all die. But, l really think that children should bury their parents and not the other way round! I am equally glad l can write to heal and help others and that l can share my struggles and all.
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, do you know how and how long a parent mourns their child? Do you want to share or just leave a gentle comment? Thank you in anticipation.
Oh my, on this 17th of November 2013, I sensationally started my blogging life with wordpress. Wow, as if to celebrate my efforts, contributions and all, I get not one but 5 awards – isn’t that something to blog about?
See them for yourself then read on:
Quintet of Radiance award
I was dazed when I got a notification from my blogging pal
Ok, now there is a little ‘fun work’ to do in claiming the award but who wouldn’t do that for a Quintet of radiance award?
RULES:
1. Display the logo in a post.
2. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back-Ananya
3. Using the alphabet, describe yourself in a word or phrase.
4. Nominate few Bloggers.
Simple rules for me hahaha
Dear Vishal, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have never received a blogging award before:
Now, next to the heroine who started this quintet of radiance trail; the beautiful, dynamic and passionate Ananya and her tales. Check her out for yourselves lest I do her less justice by missing out something. Just one or two things now, please don’t forget to:
Vote for her on Facebook for Mrs India Washington and discover the amazing bundle of talent that she is. Follow the following links to vote for her:
Last week, I was in London for five good days. I was so excited at the trip. I had planned up so many things to do, people to visit and much more.
Poor me who did not take into account the length of time to go through border control at the airport, especially if you had the misfortune of arriving on the day the computers were not working.
The wait made headlines and people got real nervous. Kids were crying, some old, handicapped and etc collapsed, I found this article on the net which even carries some tweets: A four hour computer glitch blabla. I was so tired, dashing to the airport straight from the office, l couldn't bear myself to take pictures or tweet.
Worst of all, I was still going to go into London by Train, and then to Abbeywood on the Southeastern line. I missed several trains because l only left that airport at 23h. When I got to London Bridge, I took the wrong train to Abbeywood. I got to Bartford instead and now there were no more trains for it was midnight.
l had planned on taking one of those luxurious London cabs for the treat of it but I never thought of doing that at midnight right? Yet I had no choice now. I however made up my mind to enjoy the ride and try to sight-see whatever l could. Haha, l saw sure nothing, cause am no owl!
The next day, I was up early to crisscross 'magic' London by train once more to Bedford. I was at London Bridge at 8 am but oh no, my low fare train ticket was valid as from 9.30 am. It was raining but I wasn't to be depressed. I pulled myself out onto the bridge and did walk a mile or two.
Back to London two days latter, I had to go by train to Forest Hill, and once more the trains were not working on that line and we had to take rail replacements. There was a connection to crown it all.
Again, I had hoped to go onto one of those tour buses but well my budget was now very tight. Thanks to the rail replacement, I saw quiet some of London and took a picture or two.
This was in the tube corridor - morale of the lesson, 'never go to work early'.
I also pleasantly discovered the English don't joke with Beer. This video is of a drunk who disrupted rail service by at least 15 minutes. To get him off the train took 10 minutes , then he threatened to jump onto the rail.
On Sunday morning, I left home to visit more of London Bridge area and make the best of my (mis) adventures. I didn't see all those I wanted to, but I saw most, I didn't go to Canterbury as I had hoped to, but I met a friend who showed me round Westminster and all. I n the end, I enjoyed my trip and hey, the airport computers were up and rolling on my return trip.
Do you dear readers have any such souvenirs? Life is also about making lemonade out of limes right?
cover to cover book reads: Happy Mother's Day!!: You Taught me to Walk, You Taught me to Talk. You Corrected my Wrong, You Encouraged my Right. You Held me Tight When I was Hurt, You Gave...
Today, I not only reflect on the #atoz challenge 2014, but I tap myself as a proud survivor.
I remember trying to back out twice. I really felt intimidated by all the blogs I browsed, the team and the preparations and all.
My first pretext was, surely blogging each day is not my routine and am still struggling to build my niche. So I wrote the organizers and asked to be crossed out. They asked for my blog number which I couldn't find anymore. I had created a new blog all together so that if I balled out during the challenge, nobody would notice, care or comment.
Mid March, oh no not even a single post schedule. Woman are you crazy? That nagging voice mocked, get out, get lost and save face before it is too late. I decided to do otherwise, I wrote like crazy and in 3 days I had 26 posts scheduled. I kept them short and simple and my theme helped. I had played safe by hanging on to random thoughts of mine. Hahaha
D Day I lashed out loud with a post on Adultery and I was like be ready for the hammer. But no, I got support, empathy, hugs and all. And so I went through up on to my T post - THANK YOU! This was my climax, for me it was my finals before the finals. That Thank you meant so much. And as if #Lee felt it just like when I once commented on his blog about my failed suicide attempt, he commented on that post.
Just tell me what more a newbee and wannabee like myself could dream of other than a comment from #Lee, and others from #Michelle, #J.L. Campbell, #Vidiya and her smiles and all the others too.
I visited lots of blogs on random subjects ranging from dogs, tradition, education, religion, society and hmm, I loved #Michelle's babbling books and the smiles #Vidiya collected.
I made some blogging friends too from as far as India like my pal #Vishal, and got hooked to #J.L. Campbell's books where after distraction, I learning how not to get Mad but better get Even.
Should I reveal my theme for next year now: oh no let me not spoil the fun. I stop for now while thanking all the wonderful team, mignons and all and wishing us all the best!
